Really? How can these feelings be a gift?

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A new client has been having a challenging time lately. She works too many hours and isn’t making enough money to pay her debts. She has been troubled by anxiety, fear, anger, and frustration. She has been cycling through them and feels swept up in an endless cycle with no way out…she feels trapped.

These feelings are unpleasant to experience but I tell her “ these feelings are here to help you. There are the guideposts to healing. Pushing down feelings to escape them causes more pain then finding a way to be with them and accepting them in the moment. Learn to be mindful of the sensations and feelings so a new understanding can emerge.”

I ask her to name her feelings, to describe the body sensations. She replies, “I am feeling sensations of fear. My body is restless, my mind is racing, my breathing is so shallow I can barely feel it. I have a jittery feeling in my belly and I can’t sit still.”

I give her an exercise: to try: See what happens after naming the feelings. Just listen. Are you judging yourself, demanding that the feelings stop, the sensations go away? Notice how your body responds to the demand. Do you feel even more anxious?

She pauses. she wants to run away. “I can’t do this, ” she says. I offer support. ”Could it be that a part of you is abandoning yourself, and you feel very alone? “ She closes her eyes. I tell her “I am with you now. You are not alone. I am here to help. I don’t want you to be all alone with those powerful feelings. You can share what you are feeling with me. I won’t judge you.” I take on the role of the inner parent to comfort her inner child.

She realizes that she wants to hide from her reality, wanting someone else to do her life for her because it feels too hard. She begins to feel about 8 years old as she speaks. “I want to give up because it is just too painful to keep failing.”

I suggest that there is no adult to do the hard tasks of life. She has left the youngest part of herself to figure out the issues of adult living. Certainly an 8 year old can’t figure out how to change her challenging situation. No wonder there is anger, anxiety, sadness and frustration!

Misconceptions like these are what causes deep pain and until they are seen for what they are-untruths, false childish perceptions. When compassionately confronted, the truth can be revealed. Be with the honest feelings that are really there, rather than avoiding the ones that aren’t really true, and healing can happen faster.

I am happy to say she is learning new skills to be more loving to that young child that lives inside her. She is taking responsibility to be more adult, by asking for inner guidance to provide new insights. She is learning to hold the younger part of herself when she gets discouraged, taking the adult responsibility of finding solutions to her life’s decision making process back from the child. She no longer wants a child making decisions for her.

She is learning how to use negative feelings to heal areas of her life that are out of balance. She appreciates that the feelings are there for a reason and sees their power to creating emotional balance.

These are just some examples of the healing that can happen for you if you struggle with getting stuck in negative feelings such as fear, anger and frustration. If these feelings cause problems for you, then you may not be able to see the gift they are communicating. Consider booking a session to find how you can be free from the anxiety of being stuck and find new ways to move forward. Click on the tab “schedule a session” in the right hand column below.

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